Yesterday I was formally, officially diagnosed with autism. A licensed psychologist qualified to evaluate autism in adults interviewed me using a diagnostic tool called the GARS-3. I scored a 99, which equates to “very likely” to have autism and “requiring substantial support.”
Hi Stephanie, I re-read you post today. And I looked at your bio, which led me to look at your editorial services website.
I may seek your editorial help at some stage. I’m revising my book Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion. Your editorial skills and your personal experiences suggest to me that you would be a good editor for my work. My book is non-fiction.
I’m curious to know what ‘stopping masking’ looks like for you. In what ways are you changing your conduct now that you’re no longer masking? And how is that going for you?
I relate to the ‘exhausted-by-talking trait’. I greatly dislike hearing or making small talk, although I can engage at that level if need be. Like you, I’ve suffered burnout.
People often say that I am very articulate, even too verbose. I want to speak out loud to express my ideas, and I have no difficulties addressing a large group of people if I’ve been given a platform and a microphone, but the responses I get back are often cold, judgemental, or indicate that the hearer(s) misconstrued and misunderstood what I was saying. So I often prefer to write rather than speak out loud.
Like you, most people have never witnessed my emotional fallout. And among those who have witnessed it, very few have shown compassion — most have coldly judged me or distance themselves from me. A few have attacked me with premeditated malice.
I'm so sorry for what you've suffered, Barbara. I've appreciated your work and your writing on behalf of the abused for some time, and I understand better now, having done more of it myself in the last few years, the cost that comes with that. Particularly for those of us who have an overwhelming inner sense of justice and deep sensitivity to when it is miscarried--turns out this is a strong marker of autism, too--which tends to quickly alienate others.
I'd be more than happy to take a look at your book and give my recommendation for editing support if you ever need. I do everything from book coaching to line edits and proofreading, and each service has a different price depending on the time and effort it entails, so I like to get a good look at a manuscript and discuss the author's goals before settling on a recommended service and price quote.
As far as masking goes, for me that looks like committing to a lot less and not being ashamed of the reason why: I simply have less energy and sensory capacity for lots of different activities, particularly social ones. It also looks like being up-front and explicitly owning my limitations: I don't read social cues well, I can be awkward and have bad timing and share too much or misunderstand what others mean, but having a clear, good reason why--instead of the belief that I'm just bad or dumb, like I had growing up--so I can offer others an explanation up front--"Hey, I'm autistic, and I sometimes don't understand what I ought to do or say. I don't want to be rude, but could you please tell me ______"--that sort of thing really helps me diffuse tension and start off on the right foot, with everyone on the same page. In the past, I simply would have pretended I knew what was going on and nodded along and faked it til I made it, which may or may not have ever fully happened, and which could easily lead to confusion and misunderstanding--and even offense--on both sides. Of course, I'm still early on in the process of adopting new ways of being, so give me a few years and I might have better answers for you.
Hi Stephanie, I re-read you post today. And I looked at your bio, which led me to look at your editorial services website.
I may seek your editorial help at some stage. I’m revising my book Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion. Your editorial skills and your personal experiences suggest to me that you would be a good editor for my work. My book is non-fiction.
I’m curious to know what ‘stopping masking’ looks like for you. In what ways are you changing your conduct now that you’re no longer masking? And how is that going for you?
I relate to the ‘exhausted-by-talking trait’. I greatly dislike hearing or making small talk, although I can engage at that level if need be. Like you, I’ve suffered burnout.
People often say that I am very articulate, even too verbose. I want to speak out loud to express my ideas, and I have no difficulties addressing a large group of people if I’ve been given a platform and a microphone, but the responses I get back are often cold, judgemental, or indicate that the hearer(s) misconstrued and misunderstood what I was saying. So I often prefer to write rather than speak out loud.
Like you, most people have never witnessed my emotional fallout. And among those who have witnessed it, very few have shown compassion — most have coldly judged me or distance themselves from me. A few have attacked me with premeditated malice.
I'm so sorry for what you've suffered, Barbara. I've appreciated your work and your writing on behalf of the abused for some time, and I understand better now, having done more of it myself in the last few years, the cost that comes with that. Particularly for those of us who have an overwhelming inner sense of justice and deep sensitivity to when it is miscarried--turns out this is a strong marker of autism, too--which tends to quickly alienate others.
I'd be more than happy to take a look at your book and give my recommendation for editing support if you ever need. I do everything from book coaching to line edits and proofreading, and each service has a different price depending on the time and effort it entails, so I like to get a good look at a manuscript and discuss the author's goals before settling on a recommended service and price quote.
As far as masking goes, for me that looks like committing to a lot less and not being ashamed of the reason why: I simply have less energy and sensory capacity for lots of different activities, particularly social ones. It also looks like being up-front and explicitly owning my limitations: I don't read social cues well, I can be awkward and have bad timing and share too much or misunderstand what others mean, but having a clear, good reason why--instead of the belief that I'm just bad or dumb, like I had growing up--so I can offer others an explanation up front--"Hey, I'm autistic, and I sometimes don't understand what I ought to do or say. I don't want to be rude, but could you please tell me ______"--that sort of thing really helps me diffuse tension and start off on the right foot, with everyone on the same page. In the past, I simply would have pretended I knew what was going on and nodded along and faked it til I made it, which may or may not have ever fully happened, and which could easily lead to confusion and misunderstanding--and even offense--on both sides. Of course, I'm still early on in the process of adopting new ways of being, so give me a few years and I might have better answers for you.
Brilliant and beautiful. Exactly like you. 🧡
Thank you, friend! <3
Thank you!
I may find more words to say how much your article has helped me, and how beautiful your writing is, but right now I just want to let it mull in me.
Thank you! This is the best kind of compliment--no fancy words needed, just to know that it moved and helped you. <3